she looked like the before picture.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
