Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
