careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
