I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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