I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
