if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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