The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
