I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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