that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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