So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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