i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
