I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
