so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
