i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
