DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
