So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
