Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i drank out of a bidet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
