I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
