my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
