i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
