My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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