he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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