Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
