Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
