Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
