I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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