after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
