awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
