My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want her autograph on my taint
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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