so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
