im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
