I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
