Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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