you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
