Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
