we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
