Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
