Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
