So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
