you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
