How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
