Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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