like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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