3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
