Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
