what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lo siento on account of my penis...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
