So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
