dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I love you. Go after that dick
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
