I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
