the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You have to summon your inner elephant
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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